Uncut, unedited
last friday morning my aunt basia called and asked if i’d come to the cemetery with her. she goes there regularly. she buried there her husband after he was hit by a drunk motorcyclist about 25 years ago. then, about 10 years ago she buried her only child, a son of about 40.
she remarried, and seems happy, but much of her family is now at the beautiful osobowicki cemetery. my cousin who died at 30 is also buried there, so is my grandmother on my father’s side… my aunt (again, father’s sister) and her husband. most died way ahead of their time.
we visited seven graves, and after that my aunt wanted to go and visit where my cousin’s on my father’s side used to live. she thought we could get some information about my cousins and maybe that i could find them. i asked a few times about them, but no one knew where exactly they are, or what has happened with them in the last decade.
in the neighbourhood, we found the address but no one answered the door. we knocked on the neighbours door, and asked her if she knew anything about my cousin gosia and ania. the neighbour had gosia’s phone number and called her on the cell phone while we stood at the door. then she passed the phone to me after telling gosia “there is someone here that wants to talk to you.” when i told gosia my name, she still wasn’t sure who i was. after 21 years, she remembers me very well, but the first name alone did not exactly default her thinking to someone who left the country over two decades ago, and no one knew anything about.
i told her my last name, and didn’t need to say anything more. she said “go to ania’s” and gave me her address. “ania and her family are coming here for the weekend. meet them, and come with them.” half an hour later, i was at ania’s.
i did not know ania married a month after we left, and now had two kids. i met her husband and younger daughter ewa and after half an hour at their place we drove out to gosia’s. of all things, i did not even think of what ania’s and gosia’s families might look like.
i imagined meeting them, without ever imagining a family present. my memories suspended time, and in my imagination for the here and now everything i imagined picked up exactly where it ended 21 years ago. to meet her 17 yo child was a total shock. she also has a 21 yo daughter whom wasn’t at home. gosia, i found out, also has two kids and the older one, a son, is 23. i must have met him before i left… the memories are just now starting to surface again.
i never thought that having left so young and so long ago, anyone would feel much of a connection to me. both ania and gosia cried when they saw me. they said that they came to terms that they would never see me, my sister, or my mom ever again. seeing me again was very surreal for them… everyone made me feel really comfortable and at home. despite being surrounded by a dozen people, most of whom i’ve never met, i did not feel the need to hide or run into a corner in search of solitude. :)
there are many reasons to keep up with a language learned. i was never sure for what purpose i tried to maintain my polish – it’s not exactly a world language. :) but i know that not being able to speak and understand polish would not have allowed for the open atmosphere that day and night. i think that night alone would have been worth maintaining the polish language…
