How long will this flurry of posts last? Not that long I imagine.
Am I becoming an extrovert? I highly doubt it.
I will continue to do my best to to spare you from the everyday junk without which most blogs would simply disappear – cursor left flashing on an empty page.
So, let’s get to the good part.
Genesis 4:17: Cain lay with his wife, and she became pregnant and gave birth to Enoch. Cain was then building a city…
[In the beginning, there was Sarcasm.]
Wait a moment. Building a city? How, for whom, and with whom? Cain is like what, the third person on earth? (Where’d he find his wife anyway? *gasp* Is she his baby sister?)
(Ewww.)
Let’s move on, or to be exact back it up away from this disturbing thought…
Genesis 1:27: So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.
[Then there was the narrator's brief observation.]
Notice what is happening here? Someone clearly just discovered the word c-r-e-a-t-e-d. Created. I’d be so pissed if I had to carve it into stone three times in just one sentence. Obviously no one took pity on the scribe by applying to their faithful narration the concepts of brevity. As I was saying…
Genesis 1:27: So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. 28: God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it…”
Created male and female? What, all at once, just like that?
But everyone knows that Eve came from Adam’s rib!
Gensis 2:7 the LORD God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being. 22: Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
Two and not just one creation story, but clearly the bible corrects itself in the latter portion.
[But God didn't understand Sarcasm, so he smote it.]
Anyone under the extremely popular impression that the bible is the literal word of anyone or anything has A) never read it, or B) is in very poor shape when it comes to the ability of using basic reason.
[Now God is angry. You won't like God when he's angry.]
Neee, the bible with its many self-contradictions cannot be true – neither is it entertaining. I much prefer Trout’s Genesis. I especially like his explanation that Satan is a woman. (Oh go ahead, read it before you castrate me!)
Trout is dead and in heaven now – never did rewrite all of the bible. But at least there is the LOLCat Bible Translation Project, and if you need something to believe that makes a bit more sense than the three most popular desert dogmas, open your heart to the Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM) and Pastafarianism. The FSM has manifested himself to people from around the world – may His noodly appendages touch you and your life, breathing delicious sauce into everything you do.
[Mmmm... spaghetti.]
